Professional Hitman (f/m/d)
Published on 31/10/2024
PUMPKIN*LABS
Working time
Type of contract
Spoken languages
Professional experience
Educational level
Do you excel in the art of making things disappear? Are you the kind of person who knows how to get a job done without leaving a trace? Then look no further!
We’re seeking a Hitman to join our elite team!
Key Responsibilities:
- Handle situations with permanent solutions
- Create sudden and mysterious disappearances
- Ensure minimal noise and zero traces
- Travel to eerie locations (graveyards, abandoned warehouses, dark alleys—wherever the night takes you!)
- Take care of difficult clients who simply won’t leave (don’t worry, they won’t complain once you’re done 😉)
Qualifications:
- Must love the dark
- Strong ability to blend into shadows and vanish without a sound
- A degree in discreet disposal or equivalent experience in vanishing acts
- A degree in marksmanship
- Dexterity with creative tools (sharp objects, poisons, and unconventional solutions—be resourceful!)
- Must have a thick skin, both literally and metaphorically. Creepy encounters come with the territory!
- Ability to work in silence (because… well, you know why)
Perks:
- Flexible hours: nights, full moons, and foggy evenings preferred
- Travel opportunities: visit mysterious and secretive locations worldwide
- No performance reviews: because… well, who’s gonna tell? 😉
- Competitive ghostly pay (we’ll settle that under the table)
- Halloween-themed bonuses: extra rewards if you work on spooky nights
- A frightfully fun work environment that embraces the shadows
If you think you’re the one to take on this challenge and deliver swift, silent, and deadly results, apply today! 👻
Remember… we’re watching. So make your move.
Send us your spookiest applications, and the best one will be highlighted on our socials! Beware, you have until November 4th to make us shiver! 👻🎃
